Dear Blogosphere

A common adage of our age is that one should “just be yourself.” But what should you do when just being yourself seems to run contrary to the contemporary zeitgeist of a particular group or class of individuals? Obviously this mantra doesn’t extend to people like Jeffery Dahmer—but perhaps that’s an extreme example. You see, while I don’t have a penchant for cannibalizing my zombified lovers, I do enjoy telling jokes. Really bad jokes. What’s worse is that they often fall upon deaf ears, which to me is just pure agony.

One such instance occurred just a few days ago. I work in the back of a warehouse type area, and occasional big sliding doors are opened to allow cargo-loaded trucks inside. Naturally, during the winter they are opened much to the discomfort of myself and my fellow grunts. One night my boss, while power-walking parallel to me with exaggeratedly hurried steps commented that it “sure was getting cold out.” He rubbed his hands together and made that “whooo” sound.

“Yeah!” I agreed, with a shit-eating grin spreading across my face. A truly excellent pun was just at the tip of my tongue. Triumphantly, and with what I surmised was perfect timing, I said that you could “just call me AARON BURR.”

Don’t you get and appreciate this, oh blogosphere? You see, it was a bit chilly—and chill often makes one go “burr.” Moreover, Aaron Burr was a historical figure that almost seized executive power in 1800… and it is a happy coincidence that his surname also happens to be that noise people make to express a chill!

The confused look merging into a frown, the silent accusation that I was on drugs, the fact that the only noise that broke the uncomfortable silence the sound of him awkwardly clearing his throat… all of this, oh blogosphere, was almost too much to take.

That night I felt like Napoleon on St. Helena.

"They kept shopping. It's not right. They're savages"

The real question is does this provide evidence or counter-evidence that our economy is losing consumer confidence? Or is the whole structure just out of whack? Its interesting that Black Friday sales will still likely fall dismally short of the retailer's projected sales goals. LOL whoops.

link
A 34-year-old Wal-Mart worker died Friday morning after "a throng of shoppers . . . physically broke down the doors" and knocked him to the ground as the crowd pushed its way into the store at a Valley Stream mall, Nassau police said.

The man was knocked down at 5:03 a.m. at the Green Acres Mall store, and was taken to a hospital, where he was pronounced dead at 6:03 a.m.

As of Friday morning the cause of death was described as "undetermined," police said. An exact cause of death will be determined by the county medical examiner's office, police said. The man's name was not immediately made public by the police, and the store was closed.

A spokeswoman for Wal-Mart, in Bentonville, Ark., said she was unable to comment immediately, and said the company was seeking details on the incident.

Four other Wal-Mart shoppers at the Valley Stream store were taken to hospitals Friday morning. A 28-year-old pregnant woman was taken to a hospital for observation, and three other shoppers suffered minor injuries and were taken to hospitals for treatment.

The percussive-driven styling of the USA's very own Suffocation (naturally) provide us with their commentary on this idea of unfettered individualism.

Don't blame me

I voted for the Lizard People.



"Raise the current, clear the stream/herald the sound of the
serpent dreams"

Democratic politics are beyond insipid

...But true love is transcendental.

Hello Sarah Palin we wrote this song for you because we see you from Russia! Plz respond to our emails!! We like to hear from you!!